Thursday, April 9, 2009

Neighbors or should I say Parents

First, let me start by saying, I like my neighbors but sometimes they do things that make me say WHAT were they thinking?

My seven year old son plays with a five soon to be six year old boy across the street. He also has a 9 year old sister that plays with them all quite often. They come from a divorced family so they are gone 3 to 4 days each week. A couple weekends ago, while they were gone to their Dads, the parents were cleaning out the garage and called my son over there. They proceeded to give him a huge Rubbermaid tub with a Pirates of the Caribbean ship. Noah told me they were cleaning and their son hasn't looked or tried to play with it, and they know how much Noah loves legos so they came it to him. Noah was so EXCITED. He lugged it home and started putting it together right away, He finished it in one day. Made a place in his room to put it.

Fast forward to the day they kids come home. Noah's friend came running over and saw Noah playing with the ship in our living room and said "Hey I got one just like that and Noah said Your Mom & Stepdad gave it to me. He ran home crying and came back and said he wanted it back and that Noah was only suppose to build it and then give it back. Now that is not what Noah said and Noah is a pretty SMART seven year old. Noah went over to their house and the parents told him they'd talk to him about it this weekend. Noah kept the ship.

Meanwhile, the next day, the girl comes home and comes over with the boy and Noah is in the bathroom and I tell them He'll come out to play when he is finished. She asked " can I come see the ship?" I didn't think anything of it and I said OK and then I'll send Noah out because my husband was sleeping.
When Noah gets out of the restroom he says where is my ship and do you know she was walking home with it. Never said a word to us. Now in my book, that is stealing and my husband is a cop. He was PO'd to say the least. Again, Noah goes over and they say we'll talk about it and let you know. NEVER once have they called or come over to talk to US about it. Noah says the Mom said to him that the boy made such a fuss about it she just gave it to him. What is the matter with these people? Can they not stand up to their 5 year old and tell them LOOK YOU NEVER PLAYED WITH IT SO WE GAVE IT AWAY PERIOD! Noah again says the Mom will talk to me and she never has. I don't want to go over a cause a scene because I'm mad and my husband is really mad. He told the boy one day while he was over here, why did your sister come in an steal from Noah? Now he thinks my husband is mean and doesn't want to come over. I'm thinking the Mom probably doesn't know she did take it without asking.

What a MESS! Any words of wisdom?

6 comments:

SolSisters said...

You and your husband need to go talk to the parents, calmly, without the children present. The situation will just get more sour if you do not address it with the parents.

STAY CALM and do not make accusations of intent. Keep the discussion firmly centered on "our children are confused and getting mixed messages. That is affecting their friendship, which I think we can all agree was a positive thing for all involved." If it goes into he said/she said debates about who did or said what wrong or what they meant by it, you lose the focus that a great friendship is being ruined. Think of the solution, not what got it started.

Maybe they can figure out a way to share the lego ship? You know, joint custody. Friends find ways to cooperate. No one started this with bad intentions, after all.

It also wouldn't hurt for the adults to admit that mistakes was made by both the adults and the children and talk to the kids about how important it is to admit it when you are wrong, apologize and do your best to make it right.

RE Ausetkmt said...

The parents across the street are twisted; and they are twisting their own kids by letting them exercise their childish logic in an adult decision.

that is basically child abuse.
you need to correct your child before they grow up and use this type of lie as a foundation for reality.

it will cause many many problems in the course of life if they use that type of "lie as logic" approach.

these parents are the KIDS.
the best thing you can do is to use this lesson to teach your child about the liars and weak people in the world.


from this lesson he can learn about

1. lies
2. stealing
3. coveting your neighbors things
4. weakness of character of the parents which is passed to the kids by allowing them to go to your house and take the toy back and then bring it back into their home. just wrong all the way around.

listen here's the best thing my mom told me when I was a youngin
"if common sense was common, everybody would have it".

I know you get it, and the more you think about it, the more you get it. trust me your child will get it instantly.

it's not a good idea to let your child play with these types of kids cause when things go wrong they use your child as a patsy.

but I'm sure your hubby has already said that to you; and told you he doesn't want the family and their kids too close to your family. with good reason, as illustrated by this simple lesson.

LIFE,MARRIAGE AND KIDS said...

i would go over to there house and talk to the parents. What they did was wrong. they already gave the toy to your son why ask back for it. They should have told the boy that he was not playing with this toys anymore so they gave it away to soemone who would love it.

jaya said...

1. the parents gave away the legos without their sons permission.
2. when little boy came back and saw it at a neighbors(your) house, he made a fuss.
3. his sister thought it was ok to just pick it up from the other house and give it back to her brother.

i guess you should talk to the other parents and make it clear that they upset your son.

Talk to Noah and make him understand that the toy was given without permission from the little boy, so just let the little boy keep it. Make sure he accepts nothing from them again. (i'd say he has the right to give it back as bits and pieces, not a built ship.but its already done, so let that be a kindness on his part-that he built it for the boy.sort of like pay it forward.)

What the girl did was not right, but she was acting in the best interests of her brother. most probably her mother told the kids that noah just took the ship to build it..(just like the little boy told him... maybe she said that to placate her crying son)and the sister saw nothing wrong in taking it back to her house.

my suggetion is to talk to the parents WITH the kids present.. so everyone is on the same page. the kids are big enough to understand, and it is better than accusing the kids time and again.

"He told the boy one day while he was over here, why did your sister come in an steal from Noah? Now he thinks my husband is mean and doesn't want to come over. " well, if the little boy genuinely thought that noah was just building the ship, then he'd think your husband is mean, right?

gosh, playdates are so complicated nowadays.

if i were you, i'd just tell noah that the ship wasnt ever really his, and he wont get(shouldnt accept) free gifts from others unless its xmas. appreciate the time spent enjoying building the ship, and go and be friends again.

that littleboy already has a difficult time, with life spent constantly in 2 places, just let him think that his friend noah built him a pirateship.

One Creative Queen said...

What ARE people thinking?? Boy, you've got a mess!

A similar thing happened here...ok, so it isn't similar, but I'm going to tell you anyway. lol I haven't bought new clothes in 10+ years. NOTHING. I even wear the shoes my boys outgrow. So a couple of weeks ago, I finally order myself just a couple of things online. One thing was a pair of Crocs. Not a big deal.

I hadn't even WORN them...and this kid across the street (whom I can't stand, but that's beside the point...my kids can't stand him either) guilted my daughter into playing with him. ("You're the only friend I've had in years"...blah blah. The kid is extremely overweight, doesn't shower, wears the same clothes for days at a time, and has absolutely NO idea about social graces. NONE.) She was playing with him, trying to be nice.

Same thing - she ran into our house to go to the bathroom - and told him to wait outside. He came inside while she was in the bathroom...and PUT MY NEW CROCS ON. He then went back outside, never saying a word.

After the kids came in for the night, I see my Crocs (which are filthy and all scuffed up) and I ask what happened. No one fessed up. (Of course!) My daughter, who had valiantly put up with this kid all afternoon (God only knows how she did it!) tells me what happened...and says she didn't want to cause problems by asking him about being in our house uninvited or about my shoes. (That's how she is - she wouldn't hurt someone else's feelings...ever.)

So I freak. My 15 year old son freaks. Before I can say anything, my son is heading outside to where this kid is still playing. (The mom doesn't watch him, makes him go to everyone else's house and no one is allowed in their house, etc.) My son tears into this kid...and instead of apologizing, like a normal person, this kid tells my son that he can come in anytime he wants because the door wasn't locked - AND- to "get over himself" because "they are just shoes".

I'm so shocked my son didn't knock him out right then.

Ever since, I've put a ban on my kids playing with him (and all 3 are grateful) and every time I tell this kid I'd like to speak to him, he quickly runs into his house after saying he has to go. It isn't like I'm going to be mean to the kid - but apparently his mother hasn't taught him much, so I'm going to tell him what he did was wrong and explain why.

So I can empathize. Not exactly the same situation...but problems with neighbor's kids is such a drag. If I were you, I'd stick tight - and I would take Noah over there and confront the parents when the kids are right there. A year ago I wouldn't have done that - but I'm so sick of people taking advantage of my kids that I'll say almost anything now.

Face it - what she did is stealing. The parents need to tell their kid NO - and that's it. Get over it. If they are that wussy and can't stand up to him. THEY need to go BUY another one for their obnoxious child.

And then, in 10 years when the kid is totally out of control and the bane of everyone's existence...THEN they can wonder where they went wrong.

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to be a novel - you just hit a hot spot. (In case you couldn't tell. lol) I hope it works out - however you choose to handle it. Just keep us posted. :) xx

One Creative Queen said...

Ok. What SolSisters said is probably better...or at least calmer. Maybe you should follow her advice...so you don't look like a raving lunatic. (I, on the other hand, already do...so I can't make it any worse for myself. lol) She brought up some good points!

Then again, so did RE Ausetkmt and Life, Marriage and Kids. The neighbor's kids need to learn that life sucks for everyone - things happen beyond their control. (The parents divorce.) It's a bummer to split life in 2 places - but 50% of the kids in America do it...and that doesn't mention the kids with an absent parent.

Life can be hard...but just because that is the case, those kids shouldn't be rewarded. (Do I sound horribly cold or what?!)

BTW - The parents should have asked the boy if it was ok...but that is their bad, not your sons. THEY need to deal with it.

:::Putting away soapbox::: Sorry I'm so passionate (and apparently verbal!) about this. Let us know what happens. xx

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